It has been a while, but I have something I need to remember. Morgan, you might want to skip reading this one. It is about my spiritual life. I find I need to work on it because I am allowing things that seem unkind to drag me into a negative place in my heart.
I believe, maybe know, there is good in everyone. Sometimes it is in a very hidden place because of events in their life. Sometimes I have trouble seeing it because of events in my life and the way I have judged as a result of my reactions. I decided to work on this problem yesterday. It was a simple process. As I drove to gourd class I would just practice saying, "I see the goodness in you." I would say, and try to connect with the truth of it, as I saw other people. As it turned out, other people were also in cars and I started thinking, "How can I know if I am seeing the good in people when I can't see the people? I just see cars, and it can't be correct to try to see the people by the cars they are driving. I have no way of knowing why they are even in that particular car. " The glare of the sun was such that I could only see the impression of a person, the shape, as I drove past. Then it hit me. That was really the point. Just as I only had the impression of the person driving the car, I have only the impression of the people I see. Even if I see them often, I don't truly know what is inside. I don't know what forces are working on them, or what motivates their behavior. I don't know if they are sick, hurt, afraid, or if they have just learned a different way and I am miss-interpreting them. I probably am reacting to what would really be the shadow of the whole person. I want to remember this lesson. I want to be more kind and positive.

Time

I haven't posted a thing for a while. While I was slacking, my mom died. It was a process that brought me together with my brother and sisters in a whole new way. I ended up getting pictures of my brother's grandchildren, as did my mother. We all sent pictures and called and talked.
I learned a few things from the experience with my mother's death. It is really important to have that difficult conversation and to forgive and let go. when someone is dying it is good to foster as much peace and love as can be. It is easier than holding on to hard feelings or resentments. The forgiveness needs to extend to ones self and siblings. In the end the conversation is just, "I love you." It was the last chance to say it.
One conversation I had was to tell her my favorite childhood memories. I told her how much fun it was when she made bread and gave us each a piece of dough. Sometimes we shaped it and she cooked it. Sometimes we ate it before it was cooked. She was happy then. I thanked her for making all the flour and water paste so we could stick paper together. I reminded her of how happy she was when she sat and played piano. It made me happy to hear her.
I never had time to talk about going to Grandpa's cabin up north. We had so awesome summers. We would spend whole days playing in the woods. There was a creek running through the property that had frogs and things. The redwoods were so beautiful. Next door there was a farm with cows and chickens, and sometimes, turkeys. We got to milk a cow and we helped herd them at milking time. These were the most enchanted times in my life. Every summer I would get a terrible case of poison oak. I was warned not to pet Coco, the dog who ran through the poison oak. I could not resist. Coco was wonderful and we had no dog. My eyes would end up swollen shut, but it was worth it.
My mother made things. She would knit, crochet, needle point. She did some lovely work. I have some of it to remember her by. I also have a sister who talks to me about our past and our now as we are not young. It is so good to share things with someone else. I am blessed.
My greatest blessing is Jasper, my grandson. I hear his voice often on the phone. I get to see him from time to time as well. He is a happy boy with the best parents a grandmother could hope to watch. It is such a joy to watch that family together.
It has been a good thing to become aware of my limitations. It is making me a bit nicer to others. I just wish I didn't have such a long list of things at which I have failed. I can look at my wonderful son and feel that something went well. I know I need to find a more accepting way to look at existence.

VBS

It has been longer than I realized. Some days it seems that nothing new ever happens even while new things are happening. I agreed to be in charge of crafts for Vacation Bible School. It was really fun. I was able to "invent" my own crafts to match the theme. I like to use crafts that have a basic design, (i.s. toilet roll rockets) and leave room for the children to use their imaginations. They are so inventive and they all make things that look different.
I just forget that as an older person I don't have the energy I did and my feet and back get tired and sore. This just started a few years ago. I think I can make it better, but it just gets worse. I am not ready to surrender for good, just on the days I hurt the most. VBS was fun and I love being involved.
On Saturday my sister Susie came to visit. We went to see Menopause the musical. It was so much fun. My sister also gave Sarah and me baking lessons. We baked bread. It is sooooo good. We made cinnamon rolls. They need to be frozen so I don't eat them all and make my feet worse. We made Pastel de Elote. It is one of my favorites. Susie was so patient and wonderful. Everything came out really wonderful. Susie is an awesome cook.
We played with Sarah's kittens. Both are girls and calico. One kitten is so shy she takes a long time to warm up to you, but she is very cuddly. The other kitten is very funny and busy. She managed to pick up a tennis ball and carry it a short way. She runs with the dog when we throw balls for her. Susie claims she is ADD and can't stay on the same track for more than a few seconds. She has the best time. When she is tired she just flops on her side. She has not heard that cats are graceful animals.

July? Already?

Hi Blog,
I didn't actually die. I just took a really long break. I went to my wonderful grandson's first birthday. It is awesome to have a grandson. It is even better to know his parents are doing a great job. I know they would benefit from lots of my advice, but I have nothing to suggest that they aren't already doing. Maybe they could start each day telling him I am the best grandma anyone ever had. His other grandma could be second best. or really good too. I will work on refining that concept.
I am amazed that, when I only see him every few months, my grandson seems to remember me. There is no gift as precious as a bright smile from my grandson. I would like a million dollars to go with each smile, but I don't think I will hold my breath.
Taffy, the dog, took me for a walk today. She seems happy to do this any time I am willing. It is kind of sad, but she is truly my best friend at this point. As soon as I get more energy I will work on that too.
I am reading Harry Potter again because Sarah told me to. She is very persuasive. She just turned 17. She was one yesterday. Who lets these kids grow up so fast? Morgan and Kara had better keep an eye on Jasper so he takes the regular amount of time to grow up.
I have a lot of tomatoes on my plants this year. Unfortunately the white flies have discoverer them and we are having a contest. The flies are winning. I am planting more tomatoes around the corner and not telling the white flies about it. I have to fight the snails for my cucumber plant as well. Daunne was afraid it was a squash plant and was ready to do it in herself.
This summer is just so exciting.

Sore feet

Taffy and I went for the short walk again. When I was young and random my feet never hurt unless I walked seven miles in summer without shoes. I hope a mindset change will do some good. For now I am relying on Advil. It is spring and really beautiful here. I must get David to help me put pictures on the blog. Thank you follower. I am happy not to be entirely talking to myself.

Thanks to my generous son I have a camera with which I plan to take pictures of walks and pets and cool stuff. Today I learned that you can't take pictures when you forget to bring the camera. While that is obvious, it was not obvious that I needed to take special steps to ensure that I remembered the camera.
I had a memorable April Fool's Day thanks to David and Sarah who played computer pranks on me for a couple days. I believe I was suitably irate when they hid my game and changed everything. It was an impressive effort on their part.
I have not written for a while. My current situation has me stumped. I keep forgetting to get the cards I need to send. I was terribly concerned that I would get back to my blog and find I had more followers. One is the perfect number.

surgery

My mother, who is even older than I am, is having surgery tomorrow for colon cancer. I think it is really difficult to deal with something over which I have so little control. I have no control about getting news from my sister about what is happening. I want things to be OK. I did not have a very good childhood. At times it is funny how bad it was. I am surprised how hard it is to face tomorrow. I am afraid of what is going to happen to my mother. She is almost 90. There is no way for her to die young. I just don't want her to be afraid, or suffer. I wish I could do something to help. Of course there is nothing I can do. I have people praying for her. That is the best I can do.